A Prisoner No More

Life is becoming boringly normal.

I have stuff for college to prepare for.

I exercise for an hour each day.

I work.

I attend outpatient services.

I am going to twelve-step meetings daily.

I am meeting people, and have a few people I can count on locally.

Right now it seems like the world is falling apart for others, and instead of being on the outside looking in...

I'm on the inside peering out.

And it is disorienting. There's too much discomfort in this feeling of safety.

...are boringly good.

I got off of the streets and into a sober living apartment. And I also work part-time.

I am at a point in my life where I'm so busy that it's sometimes hard to go back to this and to update it. I work, go to outpatient counselling, and then I do my meetings for sobriety. I'm talking to a university here to go back to college in order to finish my degree, but I need some time to get things out of the way in order to get the time to do that without screwing things up.

I talk to Jane a lot now, and she's awesome. She has been through an awful lot.

I did it.



And this saved my life.

I could have learned Chinese in the time that it has taken for me to fix the security on my accounts.

Someone wanted to talk to me about this tonight. I'd really like to raise this issue with the state's attorney and I've called his office once today.

Last night, I cancelled my World of Warcraft subscription after I read about the legal problems facing Activision Blizzard.

I had been playing Burning Crusade for about two weeks and I was really, really enjoying it.

I had never leveled a hunter fully through the classical era of World of Warcraft, and with hunter being my favorite class (I'm an animal lover online too, I guess) I was looking forward to finally doing that and going through the entire Blood Elf story with that.

I have known people over the years (from a Warcraft 2 community that I was a part of) that went on to work at Blizzard. While it has been a number of years since they worked there, I don't remember them ever complaining about anything as fucked-up as any of the things that are being alleged against the company.

I might give Final Fantasy 14 a try since I am in the gaming mood anyway. Or, I am trying to adopt old habits that I had before my life fell through...

I already felt like going back into WoW was jarring because I'm not the same gamer who left it almost twenty years ago, so playing Final Fantasy shouldn't put me into too much culture shock with how the geek community does things these days.

Anyone who abuses an animal deserves the worst.

I woke up about an hour ago, after going to sleep on Tuesday afternoon. And I feel like I could go for a second round again.

I'm not entirely sure that this is what it means to be "a fighter" like the media props you up to be when you've got a terminal illness.

This morning marks the first time ever I have refused to read a response to something I've commented on.

Respect is a huge thing with me and how I view the world in general. I have been accused of demanding or expecting too much out of people and being a perfectionist.

And this is supposedly a character flaw because it is unrealistic as nobody can be perfect.

To me this "tryinf ti be perfect" and that struggls defines what it means to be good and to act in alignment with what you believe. When nobody is looking, I seriously doubt that most people would choose to take the good choice (or my definition of it) at the expense of what is right or convient or easier.

The average person lacks integrity.

So. My point is that I've always made it a point (at least subconsciously) to listen to people even if they hate me or do nothing but say jibberish. It has always been a core trait of mine to listen, overthink, and never drop a subject.

Ny last entry mentioned I've been blogging for twenty-three years. In all that time I've never been this angry about something online and I have never slammed the delete button when I get a notification through my email that someone has replied to me.

I mean literally. In twenty-three years I have never reacted like that before, or lost so much respect for someone because of the things that they've done to others out of anger and entitlement.

So yeah, this is about how I view the world and that example of a reply I'll never read goes back to my views on what it means to be good or have integrity.